i know i’m special.

i don’t say this lightly— but i know i’m special. i know that i am loved. i know my family and friends care about me. i’ve always known i’m unique. 

i was never lacking in love from others. i feel that i am loved by so many people, and every time i feel like i will run out of love— more continues to pour in. i am so lucky to have so many lovely humans in my life who pour into me. 

i don’t say all of this to be a brag or a snob. i say this because i see countless posts or posters or whatever saying “you are not alone,” “you are loved,” and “you are so valued.” 

cue mild rage. let’s take a step back and view this from the perspective of someone who is severely depressed…

when i am depressed i could not care less about how many people love me. no one is in my body, except for me. no one encounters my thoughts, except for me. no one has to deal with my side effects, except for me. no one hears the little voice in my head that lets my thoughts spiral out of control. 

i digress.

seeing past my thoughts is so difficult. i got to a point in my depression where i didn’t need to be told about who loved me or who was going to help me. i got to a point where i needed someone to take my burdens away from me. i needed intervention in medicine. i needed someone or something to swoop in and help chemically change my brain. i needed help. but, i had given up. 

during the peak of my depression, i felt like i had exhausted every resource placed in front of me. i had done everything the doctors were telling me to do and still felt like i was getting worse. i felt alone in my thoughts, despite constantly reading “you are not alone.” 

if you’ve experienced something mildly close to what i dealt with, i have something for you. 

i challenge you this week to think of one major topic that bothers you. maybe it’s a relationship. maybe it’s a class. maybe it’s a sorority. maybe it’s a friend. maybe it’s a sport. maybe it’s a childhood memory. maybe it’s something so deep you’ve never told anyone. 

when you think about “that something” that gets you riled up, sad, confused, or maybe even depressed— i want you to name it. 

out loud. 

in a journal. 

to a friend. 

to your dog. 

to a stuffed animal. 

to a pillow. 

to the tv. 

NAME YOUR EMOTION. 

to one thing. 

or two. 

or five. 

and then, pick one trustworthy person in your life and tell them about it. intentionally bring it up in conversation. ask the person to talk through your thoughts. 

it’s difficult to have tough conversations, after all— that’s what makes them tough. my dad constantly preaches to me, “a secret loses its power when it’s not a secret anymore.” that statement has helped me to release my dark thoughts in tiny waves and let them go. i don’t feel like everything is bottled up. i don’t feel nearly as ashamed, or sad, or frustrated. i feel heard. 

letting someone in to a speck of you life allows you to lift a bit of the burden off of your shoulders. it lets someone else “carry” a few of your emotions. in no way am i promising that you will be fixed from this one piece of advice. but, it allows you to get out of your head, to name your emotion, and to receive advice, love, and support from someone trustworthy in your life. let them love you with honesty. sometimes we cannot see simple fixes right in front of us, because we are so clouded by our own thoughts. 

no one can carry it all, but we can all carry something! apply THAT to your mental health, too. 

and let me tell you— i’m proud of you. you are here today, fighting for another day. wherever you are in life— i see you. & your thoughts are not just something you alone deal with. so many people are silently suffering. i was there at one time too, and it sucked. so, i understand. 

finally, as cliche as it sounds…you are loved and valued and never alone— so don’t pin yourself to any other narrative. this world isn’t perfect— but you are, my dear. 

xoxo,

eb